Confusing Feelings
by CGEclipsed16
Summary: PreEclipse.Bella is faced with her unnerving feelings toward Edward and Jacob. Edward is there to comfort her, but is it enough?


DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

I knew my silence was annoying him. I could tell by his face. The more time passed in the dark silence, the more he seemed restless.

There was no way I could tell Edward how I was feeling; what I was thinking. He had already told me to stay away from Jacob.

…but I had never told Edward how close Jacob and I had gotten over his absence…

Though, I knew he already had a feeling…

There were times that I laid in my empty bed and thought about the night at the movies—the night before he had turned into a were-wolf; The night at his house, after my cliff diving; the afternoon when our lips had almost touched.

I had been willing to move on…hadn't I? I had almost kissed Jacob; I had almost given up on Edward…

My heart hurt suddenly, and I sucked in a breath.

"What's wrong?" whispered Edward from the cold darkness. Tonight, the room was colder than normal; maybe it was the fact that summer was approaching, and Charlie had installed the air conditioner…though, he had plainly told me that he hardly ever used it. I found it a great comfort—an old sound that I had been neglected from. I had put it on low, enjoying the rumbling sound—and realized suddenly how much I greatly regretted putting it on. The sound almost seemed out of place…

Forks was not Phoenix, and bringing in the old familiar sound into my new life, made me miss my old home more.

I felt Edward's arm squeeze me gently, and he repeated his question softly, "What's wrong, Bella. Tell me what's been on your mind."

Tell him what was on my mind? Did he want to hate me? Did he really want to know that I wanted him to only wrap his arms around me, take me away from Forks so I could forget about Jacob and the past… to forget about the pain that was slowly eating me—perhaps it wasn't pain, but regret.

Regret that I had become emotional attached to him…when I shouldn't have.

"I'm cold." I whispered, telling the complete truth. I was cold.

"Turn off the air conditioner." He whispered back. I didn't want to leave the confounds of my bed, but after two more shivers, I jumped out and turned off the rumbling noise. The room went back to being my room in Forks… it became quiet, the silence suddenly eating at the darkness. I wondered what Edward was thinking.

"Bella…" He tried again. "I know that you're confused…"

"I'm not confused." I jumped on the defensive wagon, didn't I? Edward was silent for a moment and then sighed. "I know how you feel…and who it's about, Bella. I'm not a complete fool."

"I never said you were." I whispered, coming back to sit next to him. I felt his hand grab mine gently, and his fingertips were dancing over my palm; a new-found weakness of mine.

"I don't… feel anything, Edward." I whispered. "I just don't know what to do. I want to be friends with him… after everything…" I managed, pulling back deep in my soul, bringing back the memories and hiding them in a small box. I was suddenly happy that Edward couldn't read my mind—he'd see everything.

"I know I can't…" I started again, after Edward's silence. "But…I wish it wasn't so hard."

It was hard.

I wanted nothing more than to be happy with Edward…but with his promise, and Jacob in the back of my mind, I knew that happiness would be a journey.

"I love you." He whispered in the silence. I felt my heart flutter and smiled, knowing he could see it in the darkness. If only he knew how much I too, loved him. I felt his cold lips press against mine softly, and I melted under his touch. Hips lips traveled down my neck as I gasped for breath, and I lifted my hands up to his hair.

"I love you…" He whispered again, and pulled away from me slowly, leaving me to feel suddenly empty with him in my arms.

"Sleep now, Bella." He said as he pulled me into his arms. "We'll talk in the morning." In the morning…

Would I want to talk in the morning? As I closed my eyes, I saw Jacob's face full of pain—the face I had seen last…and I clung tighter to Edward.

My mending broken heart would never be the same.

Never.


End file.
